pressure? no pressure?

hello there.


be ready to experience my wonderful grumble story!! because i'm about to share my exciting complaints today. tighten your seatbelt and enjoy! 

i'ts 10 at night. the reason that i have not gone to sleep, because i don't want to wake up in the morning and walk down the street in the morning to the place where i do not want to go, during my holiday. *phew that was long* for those who don't know what exactly i am talking about, recently i've been doing this pharmacy training course and it's been 2 days already. i need to complete the course for one week only. that does sounds easy and not under pressure. well, the thing is that WHY OH WHY i hve to do this during my BREAK?? my precious, precious BREAK taken away with this course where i have to study and wake up every freaking MORNING! do u know how miserable i am in the morning? i don't even know how to explain.

the students are all Oz, and they all are above 30s. which mean i'm the youngest -.-" i always and always be the youngest either in uni or church. i really really hope that the course end sooner so that i can enjoy my uni break.

i told my dad and mom. of course, they cannot stop me from continuing the course. i felt like crying every time i'm in the class and some how, i feel like an ugly duckling but in a good way and DEFINITELY not ugly, just different. i feel uncomfortable yet, i'm thankful that they are above 30s thou. because, if they are younger Oz, i don't think i can keep up with them. just too different and i'm not the type who can adapt really well. so yea, i'm quite thankful for that. i'm really REALLY uncomfortable with one of they guy in the class. so there are 2 guys, this one guy is somehow weird for me. maybe for the other Ozs are not but for me yes. he looks like that maniac guy in movies, a mentally sick guy who do bad things. the reason why i'm saying this because, when he talks to me, the way he looks at me is so weird and suspicious. we talk normally like proper human being talk, but then he keeps asking me questions. maybe he wants to get along, but it's just weird. maybe it is just me.. well excuse my bad habit.

well this is going no where, i forgot what i was trying to say.

ah yeah, good things. so, i talked to my dad that i don't like the course and ya da ya da; my dad said what most of fathers would say:

Emi harus belajar untuk menyusuaikan diri dalam kondisi yang gk enak. kamu gak bsa nyaman terus tapi harus nyaman dlm keadaan yg ga enak. minimal ga ada bahaya, all is safe. you have to bring ur self to an uncomfortable place, you have to face it and don't run away, or you will never be mature. Please believe me, face it. my prayer with you. 

p.s: terima kasih kalau emi uda obey us. 

after i red this, i felt like crying and my eyes were wattery. i couldn't cry because i was in the training course. it was mixed feelings between sad, touched, angry and upset. until now, i do not know how to express it very well. i was upset/sad because i'm all alone, i have no close and available friend to talk to and a friend, who is actually here with me. angry because i feel like no one able to understand me and i never been in this situation before where i have to do everything by myself. and angry because the person who should be there for me, support me, cheer me up, is currently busy. that person should cheer me up and makes me smile and laugh, is unable to do that. and i have to understand his current situation where as i'm struggling with my own problems. touched because my dad said that, and i really want to make him proud. i know he knows that i do not want this but i'm still doing it and obeying my parents.

i saw this post from my friend's blog, and it said sth like this:

Sometimes in life we want so many things.. But instead we get problems coming our way. I found the perfect answer to this dilemma that I wanna share with everyone:

I asked for strength, and God gave me difficulties to make me strong.I asked for wisdom, and God gave me problems to solve.I asked for prosperity, and God gave me brain and brawn to work.I asked for courage, and God gave me obstacles to overcome.I asked for love, and God gave me troubled people to help.I asked for favors, and God gave me opportunities.I received nothing I wanted, but I received everything I needed.  

(by Pdt. Timur Citra Sari, told by Ci Devina)

via HERE COMES THE MONSTER

i did pray and pray to God for strength and favors but God gave me something else. this post really hit me and it tells me that i have to be stronger and God will always be there for you in a different and mysterious way. God does not play an easy on us, because He wants to make us stronger.

well, that is all for today's post. it is a long post and it may be boring, but i hope this story will somehow give you a different way of thinking or maybe an inspiration, perhaps?

Be bless  and God bless ;)